Self Worth

Welcome to lesson 4 of the Befriend course! In our previous lesson we learned about an extremely important rule that we have to keep in mind to make sure that we're making friends and not enemies. In today's lesson we're going to talk about powerful concept that has the potential to 2x , 3x, heck even 5x, the speed of which you make friends. Let's imagine for a second that above every single person's head – is a number that represents how much they are worth. This is a concept that is often referred toes value. And as shallow as it seems, as much as we’d like to think we don't do this, we are all automatically assigning values to the people around us.

 See our brain and also the brains of most other mammals have evolved to do this because it allows us to create a hierarchy in our heads. It allows us to figure out who the most powerful person in the room is. Who we should try to gain the favour of and also who isn't so useful and can be ignored. This was important because for millions of years we humans used to live in tight knit groups. If you couldn't identify and gain the approval of the people with the highest values in this group, the people who were in charge, thrones with the most power, your life would be at risk. Now you're probably wondering. Improvement Pill that's nice to know and all but how in the world does this relate to befriending people? Well the higher your perceived value is in comparison to the people around you, the easier it will be for you to befriend others. People will want to be your friend before even meeting you. They will want to win your favour.

However, if your value is too low – you will have a much harder time making friends. In fact, people might even start ignoring you. Now this brings up 2 questions. Number one how exactly do we determine what our current value is? And number 2 what can we do to increase it? Well there are 3 categories of things that humans look at when determining how much someone is worth. We'll briefly go through each one and also talk about what you can do to improve each of these areas. The first category is Looks. Someone’s physical appearance. We look at hygiene. Whether or not someone is well groomed. If you look and smell like you haven't showered in weeks your perceived value will be much lower. Go take a shower, get a haircut, do your laundry, clip your nails, and take care of yourself. Because if you look like you can't even take care of yourself you'll look like someone who can't help take care of others. We look at physical attractiveness which cane broken down into two parts. The first are indicators of health. If you're extremely overweight, if you look sick, if you look extremely tired - your perceived value is lower. This is because you look like someone that will drag down the group. Hit the gym, fix your diet, and get proper sleep.

 The second type of physical attractiveness that we look for are good genetics which means you can produce healthy offspring. This has value because the only way we can continue the human civilization is by producing offspring that survive into adulthood. So we instinctively look for things like symmetry of the face for both genders, height, wide shoulders, and jaw line if you’re a guy, hippo waist ratio, breast size, and youthfulness if you’re a girl. This is a touchy subject because many of these things are impossible to change. You can't really change things like your height or the symmetry of your face. But the good news is that these factors are only part of the puzzle. If you focus on everything else that can increase your value you can still become someone of very high value. For example it's possible to get wider shoulders and increase muscle mass by going to the gym. You can also use fashion to your advantage. Which is the final thing that we look florin regards to Looks. The objects and clothing that you wear can complement the features of your body. Someone who is short can look taller, Someone who is a chubby can look more muscular, someone who has poor face symmetry can create the illusion of symmetry by using clothes and accessories to their advantage. The next category of things we look for in order to determine someone’s value is Status. Essentially how much power they have. We look for indicators of wealth. Money is literally a piece of paper that has an assigned value. You can trade that paper for food. You can trade that paper for a house. This is why people like to talk about moneys an indicator of success because the more money you make the more valuable you technically are.

 However, it's not like you can just pull out your bank statement and show that everyone you meet. Wealth is something that is best subtlety conveyed. Fashion plays a big role, things like jewelryand watches, but also how generous you are all indicators of wealth. But it's important to note that wealth is something that is valued much more in developing countries as compared to modern ones. For example in NYC you won't be impressing anyone by wearing a fancy watch and flashing a couple hundred. In fact people will most likely roll their eyes at you. But in a developing country that's a pretty big deal. Either way it's still important to have your finances in tact because if you're dirt broke you won't be able to bring anything to the table. Instead you'd be force to become a taker of value, someone who needs the help of others to survive.

People who can only take are immediately seen as low value. Think about most homeless people. They are virtually invisible because they are forced to beg for help. The next thing we look for in regards to Statuses someone's career. We look for signs that tell us what sort of role this person plays in the setting that we're in. For example if you're in hospital the guy who is dressed like a surgeon is going to have more value than the guy dressed like nurse. If you're in a night club the DJ is going to have more value than some random dude on the dance floor. And finally the last thing we look for is social proof. Basically how many friends you already have and also how well known you are. If somebody walks into the room and everyone says hi to them and they're all smiling you wonder to yourself “wow who is that guy”- but if someone walks into the room and just sits in the corner and plays with his phone you don't think anything of him. Social proof is one of the 2 most powerful indicators of value. If a lot of people know you - you're essentially celebrity and it doesn't really matter what you look like or how much money you have – people will automatically want to interact with you because of your fame. So if you're not the best looking guy you can still increase your value tremendously by simply learning how to befriend everyone around you – which is essentially the purpose of this course. Before we get to the final area for determiningsomeones value – I do want to mention something very quickly.

Going through a video course like the BeeFriendCourse of the Tamed Course is very powerful but it's nothing compared to the results you’ll get from a one-on-one coaching program. If you're someone who really wants to change and you're willing to invest in yourself please sign up for my mailing list using the linking the description box below to learn more about my upcoming coaching services. The final area we look at when determiningsomeones value is their demeanour, how they act. Your demeanour is equally as important as your social proof. We look at body language. Whether or not someone has open or closed body language. Things like good posture, an open chest, and uncrossed arms are all indicators that you are relaxed. The more relaxed you look the higher your perceived value will be. Because people who are relaxed tend to bathe people at the top. We'll dive deeper into proper body language later on in the course. Next up - we listen to someone’s voice and tonality. If you have a high pitched voice it means that your body is tense. You aren't relaxed. And like we mentioned before if you don’t seem relaxed your perceived value will be lower. There's also going to be an in-depth video on voice and tonality later on in the course. And finally the last thing we look at is something called Frame.

This is a rather complicated concept but to sum it up it's basically how easily effected you are by outside conditions. For example if someone was to make fun of you, are you the type of person who would easily get offended or are you someone who would just laugh because you don't care. The stronger your frame is, the less you are effected by outside factors, the more confident you seem in yourself. Which will increase your value. Think of value as a multiplier in front odour equation so far. If you are someone who has an extremely high value such as a celebrity you can literally befriend others 10x faster than normal people. I'm not saying you have to become a celebrity, but you should definitely work on improving your overall value in order to 2x or even3x the speed of which you make friends. This is a double edged sword because if you let yourself go and let your value drop you will have to work twice or even 3 times as hard as the average Joe in order to befriend people. In our next video we're going start the next portion of the course. Which is all about body language. Body language is the most important factor you need to keep in mind when it comes to initially making friends. If you don't do it right you won't find any success. So make sure you subscribe, hit that bell icon, and stay tuned.